Week 17 Finale Pick
80 games have played this year. With 5 to go. I hope you all enjoyed another season. Although my bag was sent to the garage rafters a couple weeks earlier than anticipated, the games must go on. Thank you to the refs! Thank you to the Goalies! Thank you to my Mother, who is the only loyal Commish Corner weekly follower that I am aware of. Lastly, as we wrap up year 4, thanks for the sportsmanship shown against fellow opponent. Have a great offseason and see you in November.
The final Pick is in…
GR Broods vs. Spicy Pie
A developing story underway as the 2 teams are preparing themselves for a Championship to be played in front of no fans as health concerns continue, “Sooooo, pretty much it’ll be like any other night in the league”, added the Commish. The disappointment continues as the Stanley Keg will also be unavailable after being sold to a local recycling center in an attempt to recoup the heavy losses during this weeks stock market crash. Although the Keg was only worth a street value of $.74, the Commish was able to sell an abundant amount of toilet paper on Ebay as well. Spicy’s C. Kirchoffner expected to be back in the lineup after missing last week due to a Disney family cruise vacation, “Other than my runny nose, sore throat, cough, fever, and difficulty breathing…I’m jacked to get out there and breathe on my squad mates!” Also of note, Kirchoffner will be the first player in history to play from inside a Hypothermic Bubble. The Broods camp meanwhile hoping M. Johnson forgot to set his clock ahead over the weekend and ‘misses’ the 1st period. Team reps hoping to see him sneak into the middle of the game after a failed attempt to ‘rally the troops’ in last years opening shift of the final. – 2 instant classics were played a week ago. The GR vs. Pies game might have been the 2nd best game I’ve seen, 2nd to last years Championship. The Broods vs AE2S ended the Cinderella run for the Engineers but showed how well each team can play at high levels. I expect another classic here. New faces year over year for Spicy P but they can fly. The Broods are seasoned veterans and don’t panic. Excited to see what 2.0 brings. The Tortoise and the Hare. The Hare gets too far ahead on this night.
Spicy P 7-5
Week 16 Playoff Picks
GR Day vs. Spicy Pie
A wild scene for GR-D’s Erickson, as their only form of captain leadership went down in what appeared to be an upper body injury adding to the IR list. “I knew it was serious once the chair came out”, said one Forx fan, referring to the league issued 16 year-old, computer desk chair that readily converts into a wheel chair. Like many other fellow Forx players, the Commish already dealing with back issues this season after sleeping on the couch every Wednesday night due to Mrs. Commish’s demands. Out of an act of heroism, the Commish refusing to not use prescribed opioid pain relievers and instead using traditional muscle relaxers by combining Suave hand lotion, IcyHot, Taco Seasoning, and a 12 ounce Busch Light to form a paste. The Commish later sold his opioids to one of the Spicy Pie players, who wished to remain anonymous but whose name was rumored to rhyme with Flax Filler; attempting to help pay medical costs…making this story less heroic. These 2 teams squared off only once this year in what was a random lop-sided win for the GR’s. Spicy is loaded with Bro’s, showcasing 7 players in double digit point totals. GR has their own firepower but have been quiet in the 2nd half. A biased pick on the forefront but with Erickson out of the lineup, the GR Daydreams motto in place for this contest, ‘Addition by subtraction’.
AE2S vs. GR Broods
AE2S using vocabulary in their locker room they haven’t been able to use in 4 years; winning. The engineers were able to pull off a Holy Cross’esque type upset against a formidable opponent. Dominant play from start to finish had the Peppers on their heels from the opening draw. Grainy video surfacing from one of the AE2S moms of the goals scored during the game, seen here. One must mention, fans were added to the video for effect. Meanwhile, The Broods played their shutdown style defense to limit the chances of a potent rumors offense, despite a dominant 3rd period push. Broods will look towards their Forbey Finalist to keep things rolling this week. “Eating healthy”, are keys to the Broods success mentioned D. Hovet after finishing a plate of plant-based lettuce and Bro-tein bars from GNC. This game features some unique styles of beer league play. AE2S has a top line that can possess the puck very well with their size and reach, while the Broods are known to play very well defensively. The Cinderella ride for AE2S may come to an end as they’ll need lightning to strike for a 3rd time. Broods expected to move on…but my AE2S picks have been wrong all season.
Week 15 Playoff Picks
Rumors vs. GR Broods
Rumors J. Hegg issuing a closed door locker room meeting before tonight’s game. The meeting not for some inspirational speech or their weekly team prayer, but an interrogation as to why he only registered 8 Forbey Baker votes amongst a roster of 14. “I suck at math…but something doesn’t add up here”, stated Hegg. Meanwhile, Broods D. Hovet learning he was likely the winner while on his yearly “off week” Timeshare vacation in Minto, ND. Hovet received the call late Monday night via satellite phone as Midco is still several years away from servicing the Minto area. The first of four playoff games slated for Wednesday night will feature two highly skilled teams. These two only played once this season, and was decided by 3 late 3rd period goals by the Broods. Plenty of guys can score here, this game will be decided on goal tending. Decker has the edge on paper, but Broods Braaten was a magician on their run a year ago. Broods defense provides the edge needed.
Adams vs. GR Day
GR Day displacing a search a rescue team to find the whereabouts of their goal scorers that have gone missing in recent weeks. Playing some of their worst hockey coming out of the bye week, they’ll need to quickly find some Jesus and right the ship. News out of the Adams camp as forward T. Geatz, who’s battled weight issues all season, celebrated Fat Tuesday this week by eating both a left….and right Twix candy bar. These teams match up very similar had each have the depth both offensive and defensively. The team that can limit their turnovers as both can easily capitalize should prevail. Biased pick but GR gets back on track.
AE2S vs. Red Pepper
Pepper hoping to ride the wave of the regular season championship into the playoff scene. Pepper eliminated in last years quarterfinal game vs. Johnny’s a year ago in what the Commish called it, “The greatest day of my beerleague life”. An instant classic game in which Johnny’s Sauve in net took on the shape of a Unicorn and could not be stifled. The engineers in AE2S will need everyone to contribute as they have shown glimpses of a team that can beat anyone. But lets be honest. Pepper is loaded and ready to go.
Red Pep 7-3
Johnny’s vs. Spicy Pie
Johnny’s hoping lightning strikes twice as they look to knock off another perennial league leader in the Pies’. Johnny’s A. Sauve, who sniffs a salt shaker before each game thinking it’s the equivalent of a smelling salt, will need to stay sharp again this week if they are to have any chance. Pies’ J. Tannahill is primed and ready for his first Forx playoff contest, “Wednesday morning bubble bath, check, skinny jeans on, check, Cool Water cologne, double check”. The Pies’ are fun to watch… unless you’re playing them. They play fast and can tilt the ice in a hurry. They’ll need to bury their chances early because Johnny’s can wear teams out. Spicy moves on.
Spicy P 7-5
Week 14 Playoff Picks
The Playoffs begin. Thank you to all for a great regular season. The respect towards fellow opponents and referees displayed by all teams this year does not go unnoticed. The best is yet to come as the final weeks approach. Good Luck to all the teams!
ISight vs. Johnny’s
Game 1. Coined the Hugs and Stuff matchup features 2 Franchises that have played each other many times before and that have also been in this exact playoff scenario before. Johnny’s Roinila out this week as he’s hosting his 7th annual Winter Book Club event at his home. The book club named, “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Illiterate”, has been a crutch to Roinila’s success, “I like to break a mental sweat too”. ISights D. Earl, who renewed his membership for a 3rd year in the club, added, “Love the club, I’m a huge Nancy Drew fan now because of Roinila, so this has been super fun!”. Anticipated to be closer than folks might think. It’s a new season for ISight and could play the sniper in the weeds game. Johnny’s Sauve has been outstanding as of late…the right time to do so. Johnny’s moves on.
BWW vs. AE2S
Game 2. Confusion for AE2S’s S. Gaddie as he looked at the schedule this week, “What the Eff is this, we just played those clowns”. Gaddie, celebrating the 10th anniversary of his 30th birthday this year, has been looked upon by his teammates for his many years of experience leading into this offseason. 2S’s R. Roed, “Being the young guy, been great to hear some of his stories of days in his prime, 23 years ago.” Roed added, “Also weird that he still uses MapQuest to get directions to the rink each week.” For a game that really had no meaning a week ago… these two teams played an instant classic grind out game that went to a shootout. BWW’s Podell looked like a man with no restrictor plate buzzing on the ice. BWW is still taking applications for a leading goal scorer to come forward. 2S’s 4th line needs to find some life as well in J. Solc, Mauch, and Miskavige. Didn’t have a true sleeper team picked this year but AE2S could easily fit the bill. AE2S has the playmakers in this one.
Week 13 Picks
ISight vs. Spicy P
Investigation underway as many players amongst the league complaining of ‘dull’ skates. KVLY’s Whistle Blower Hotline first reported the news Tuesday night. Gerrell’s top skate sharpening technician, Spicy’s C. Kirchoffner commented, “People think we have some fancy grinding tool. We turn a blow dryer on to make some noise and sharpen skates with a potato peeler.” Valley News Live will be reporting on this through the weekend. Spicy looking to ride the wave into the playoffs with a small percentage of being able to finish at the top of the standings. ISight knows where they will be in a week. Keeping the bodies healthy is key this week. Spicy was tested tough the first time around. Roll along this week.
Red Pep vs. Rumors
A great matchup to finish the regular season with some playoff seeding still yet to be determined. Game to be played at the promised prime time slot of 7:30. The Commish expected to be accepting his first round of kickbacks in tostada form prior to puck drop. Two top Goalies square off after being snubbed from the coveted Forbey list. These two squads have a long history including playoff appearances. A lot of talent on the ice in a what should be an instant classic. Pep has the extra fire power needed.
AE2S vs. BWW
The stage is set for these two as this will be the warmup to next weeks playoff game. BWW’s Z. Louden, who’s described by fellow teammates as ‘our worst player and the other teams best player’ statistically most nights, commented about the matchup, “I’m gonna use a lefty stick this week…”. The Engineers played an instant classic against a top ranked team keeping valuable points out of their possession. Little news for these two squads as this week will be for momentum.
AE2S 5-4 S/O
GR-Day vs. Johnny’s
GR-D in a 2 game funk and looking to finish the regular season on a high note. They’ll be looking for leadership out of M. Lukkason. Although he never made the high school team, he was able to acquire leadership skills after lettering as the teams student manager. Johnny’s fate is set for next week at the 7 seed. Johnny’s J. Andrade, who wakes up each morning to a Fat Head poster of himself, is looking forward to playing a fast paced game leading into the 1st round of the playoffs. Johnny’s has nothing on the line here but pride. GR-D has a chance to move about the standings dependant on others. GR-D keeps Sauve on the move.
GR Broods vs. Adams
Broods D. Hovet running away with the Forbey fan voting, although, fan voting only counts as .0043% of the process. Hovet displaying why he should be among the top leaders after putting up 6 points a week ago after skating the entire 51 minutes of game time to ensure his stats. Noted as the leagues Iron Man, Hovet has not missed a single game since inception, rumored to be absent for tonight’s game. Adams has the ability to move up a spot with a win which would have them facing off against a regular foe in Rumors. With Hovet out, Martinson has room to grab the headlines. Broods fends off a late push.
Week 12 Picks
Johnny’s vs. GR-B
Playoffs looming for both squads. Johnny’s needs a lot of help throughout the league to have any chance at moving up to the 6th spot. Johnny’s Roinila, “Still going to prepare for each game like I always do…. I walk 7 to 10 laps inside the Grand Cities Mall with some of my ‘Old Friends’ as a warmup.” The Broods have secured a top 6 position and are now looking to continue last weeks dominant win into the coming weeks. The early frame could affect roster attendance. Broods has the edge but if short could easily be stifled by this Johnny’s squad. Broods rides last weeks momentum.
ISight vs. Red Pepper
Negotiations underway between the Commish and the Red Pepper camp on the 2020-21 season. The Commish has placed game time slots up for bid. The current agreed upon bid for the 7:30 Judd ice time is a years’ worth of cheese tostadas and Charmin toilet paper. ISight still suffering from this years Coronapointless and need a jolt of confidence leading up to the playoffs. Tough road ahead in the next couple weeks. Pepper is loaded up and Kvistad has been a wall.
Rumors vs. Adams
Grainy video surfacing of what appears to be Adams team member Alex Martinson in an incident that authorities described as Alex becoming ‘slightly agitated’, when he mis-clicked his Forbey vote and didn’t vote for himself but instead the two Rumors Players. That can be seen here. In unrelated news, there is an open Office Clerk position at Initech, in the Grand Forks Classifieds. A pesky rivalry between these two that shouldn’t disappoint this week. Adams need more than Martinson to slow down a Rumors team that has lingered around the top of the standings all year. Rumors has the extra speed needed here.
AE2S vs. GR-Day
Another matchup with notable Forbey nominees in it. Votes still being tallied as Daydreams Lukkason has been reaching out to family for support. Lukkason’s brother, Bryan commented, “Havent heard from Mike in 4 years… Last time I heard from him was when he told me he wouldn’t make it to my wedding, a wedding that was in our parents backyard while he was living in their basement; via text message Mike wrote me ‘Busy this weekend...Congrats to you and Lisa!!’…. now he wants me to vote for him in some make-believe hockey thing… not to mention the worst part, my wife’s name is Stacy.” AE2S’s Michael Solc in the hunt for votes of his own, “Can someone forward me some contact info for this brother Bryan?”. Both teams suffering losses a week ago and need to bounce back. GR-D’s big guys lead the way.
BWW vs. Spicy Pie
Spicy’s Montgomery also working all angles to gain ground in the Forbey polls. Rumors circulating as he was seen floating around UND campus and accessing ‘numerous’ computer labs. Pies’ Aamodt, “We’re pretty sure he’s trying to find any computer around town with an active IP Address”. Suspicions arose when Montgomery was asking his team in their group text, “Who has an active Public Library card…and can I borrow it?…asking for a friend”. The Pies’ have some ‘fun to watch’ beer league bros. Their speed is hard to counter. BWW will need to stay on their toes or will be reading the names on the backs of jerseys all night. Pies’ roll on.
Spicy P 8-4
Week 11 Picks
AE2S vs. Spicy Pie
2S’s S. Gaddie looking to spark his team and his game in this contest and work towards a back to back win. Gaddie, described as a ‘Great Friend’ in the locker room by fellow teammates has been able to help his teammates in various ways. 2S’s Miskavige, “Just the other day I was concerned about my contribution to the team so far this year… then I looked at Gaddie’s season points and realized things aren’t so bad.” Spicy has a had a couple roller coaster weeks and can’t afford to overlook this week’s opponent. They’ll look to weekly scoresheet tally’iers in Montgomery and R. Johnson to lead the way. Spicy sneaks out a close one.
GR-D vs. GR-B
A highly anticipated game of the week as the battle continues for the coveted Golden Grounder?? Regardless of the name that escapes me, hardware is on the line. Forx Hockey staff expecting anywhere from 6 to 8 fans for this contest. 50/50 tickets will again be on sale. Forx Hockey still looking for last weeks winner with ticket #00000000001 as they have yet to claim the winnings of $0.50. Please claim your prize at the concession area as maybe this will be the week they have it opened. Plenty of scouting by both teams this week to see whos in and whos out. Broods Johs has had several ‘watercooler’ talks with the Commish this week to gather roster intel. Daydreams is known to crack under big game pressure. They’ll find the patience needed.
ISight vs. Adams
ISight team, volunteer alternate captain, D. Earl is still trying to adopt to the league speed. Earl who has received several Delay of Game penalties for his lack of speed while possessing the puck has tried to inspire his team in other ways. Earl, “I’ve told a few guys they had a good shift once or twice… hoping that maybe fires them up”. Adams Grinde, “I remember that Earl guy… kept complimenting me the first time we played them.” The Adams team is riding the bubble and needs a victory to keep pace with the pack. ISight has the ability to stifle this team but the critics are against them.
BWW vs. Pepper
Baseball scouts in the crowd last week for the BWW game as bats and balls were the storyline from a gritty low-scoring affair. Pepper able to pull out a battle hard win a week ago with goal of the year nominee at the hands of Fugleberg. The Pepper camp not giving up much information on the return of Tellmann to the team but Forx Hockey’s own, between the bench’s reporter, Dawn Cherry, has heard grumblings of the “itch” to make the return. BWW’s response… 🙄. Pepper rolls on here.
Rumors vs. Johnny’s
Rumors squeaking out a shootout victory after trying their best to let the Pies back into it for a win. Rumors excited to have D-Man, Green, back on the blueline after vacationing last week, to shut down a hungry Johnny’s squad. Green, sporting a sick, tube sock sun tan, “Still burping up White Claws”. The Aarvig clan will need to come to life and find a way to bury a few. A great matchup as two goalies of the decade awardees face off. Johnny’s needs it more. Rumors gets a lucky bounce.
Week 10 Picks
BWW vs. GR-D
A gentlemens rivalry reunited for a 2nd matchup on the season. GR-D firing on all pistons a week ago, doing so oddly enough without Captain leadership in, Theisen and Erickson, slowing the game down. GR-D will take the ice without Theisen for another few weeks as he continues to recover from his Bilateral Ankle Weakness Surgery. The surgery was not hockey related but once fully healed is expected to gain 6 inches to his vertical, which will be enough to comfortably dunk basketballs in his driveway. BWW has been scoring their goals by committee but needs someone to come forward in the final stretch and lead their squad. As always they grind out games and play hard against high opponents. GR-D has the extra boost of confidence this week.
Adams vs. Johnny’s
Must win games for either side. Week 10 matchup that has a playoff feel. Johnny’s took game 1 earlier this season. They’ll have the competitive advantage again in this contest as ‘several’ Adams skaters complaining of fatigue after skating back to back 9:00 games. Adams Bacskai, “I like to be tucked in and sleeping by 9:15 most nights”. Both Goalies will be busy. Coinflip
Adams 4-3 S/0
Spicy Pie vs. Rumors
Before last weeks loss, Spicy’s last upset was against Rumors in a similar lop-sided affair losing 9-2. They’ll have their hands full again this week against Rumors Decker in net who is in the best shape of his career. According to the Forx Hockey Training staff, Decker is boasting a .5 body fat percentage, which has never been recorded in society and probably not healthy for someone his age. This one will depend on which Rumors squad shows up. Spicy buries a late one.
Broods vs. Pepper
Another classic matchup in these 2 squads. Broods struggled earlier this season and will likely be in trouble yet again this week as they’ll be short handed. Several messages were left with members of the Panzer rental in attempts to fill the gaps. Pepper should be loaded up for this one. Lundbohm will be busy for Pepper.
ISight vs. AE2S
The Leagues cellar dwellers matchup to cap off the night. ISight played an instant classic a week ago with Cink and (Machine Gun) Kelly buzzing on a line together. ISight needs to get that first win to get that off their mind. D. Earl’s thoughts on this week, “I consider it a win when I make it up and down the ice twice in a shift.” Tupa went from zero to hero for his team and will be looked at again to add some Senior (old age) leadership. This will be a fun one to watch but unfortunately no one sticks around for the 9:00 games so it will be a fun one to hear about the next morning. AE2S maybe….?
Week 9 Picks
GR-B vs. Rumors
A solid matchup to get the night started as a close runner-up to the Game of the Week. A reunion tour for Broods teammates Hovet and Wurden, who were both originally drafted by Rumors in the 2016 Entry Draft but both left the team shortly after when they were not able to fully commit to the 3 times a week that the Rumors team practices year round. Both teams are loaded with talent from the last decade. Rumors Neith from the top of the circles is deadly, and Broods Hovet always seems to find the time and space needed to be a difference maker. Broods need Braaten in net to play a postseason mentality game. Been a while since the last coinflip contest.
Spicy Pie vs. GR Day
Notable names out of the lineup for GR Day in this featured Game of the Week with Captain leaders Theisen and Erickson. Spicy Pie team representative announcing that they will make roster adjustments of their own to ‘even out’ the affair. Spicy expected to sit: Kuntz, Tanahill, R. Johnson, A. Johnson, Gilbertson, Miller, Montgomery, Dymowski, Kirchoffner, Aamott, Olson, Berning, Leach, Bye, and Norman… Leaving veteran M. Stjern to play both forward and defense. Last years matchup was an instant classic with Spicy closing it out late. The Pies’ youth will be the difference on this night.
Spicy Pie 7-6
ISight vs. Johnny’s
“A win is a win!”, said C. Aarvig, after last weeks victory. Aarvig speaking on behalf of his play as it looked as if he was puck handling with a pool noodle on the ice as he and most guys in the league struggled after the long Christmas break. Johnny’s in a similar position as years past as they will battle out the remaining regular season games for a push for the 6th spot in the standings. ISight hasn’t had much to celebrate but the tools are there. If they fire off all cyclinders they can bury pucks. Sauve was on fire last week and will be the answer again this week.
Red P vs. AE2S
Reffing the topic of choice amongst these 2 teams going into the final week of the 9-week gauntlet. Peppers PK unit logged more ice time than the traditional 5-man lineup a week ago. Rumors swirling as refs were thought to have been ‘paid an excessive amount’… in unrelated news… League fees expected to go up dramatically according to the Commish. Meanwhile the Commish is handling another matter of banishment from reffing AE2S games in the future after describing scenes of ‘blacking out’ once a call was made and suffering memory loss once the whistle had occurred on what had even happened. Pepper expected to be at full staff for this one. AE2S is known for close, hard fought battles, but the ice will be tilted here.
BWW vs. Adams
Adams, T. Geatz, using this weeks news of the All-Decade Team he was clearly not chosen to be on as inspiration for the next decade to better himself on to the coveted list. He’ll be fighting through adversity as his dietician was quoted saying, “Yeah…He has no chance”. BWW in a similar spot as the Johnny’s squad in that they need some exquisite play immediately to make a run to climb in the standings. Adams will need to stay on their toes here and not overlook this matchup. Butters will be busy.
Week 8 Picks
GR-D vs. Red Pepper
Team Pepper scratching their heads as this will be the 4th consecutive regular season game playing the GR-D’s in the early frame after expressing concerns over early game roster commitments. The Commish commented at the weekly Tuesday Forx Fan Luncheon, “I’ll be sure to reach out to the scheduling committee about this issue, currently in the 5 year, possibly 10 year, plan to schedule accordingly”. Despite being the first game coming out of the Holiday Slumber, this should be a fast, high scoring contest. Then again, after revisiting the rosters, riddled with 35+ year olds, it might just seem fast for those on the ice. GR-D gets the bounce needed.
ISight vs. Rumors
ISight looking forward to a new decade. The team has made resolutions to give up dairy products and are making fundraising attempts at purchasing Peloton Bike after the convincing advertising season. The Rumors team expected to be more than prepared for this one as they probably skated their usual offseason 4 times a week routine, during the break. Rumors too much again this week for the underdogs.
AE2S vs. Johnny’s
The first half of the season for both teams featured hard fought battles but lacking the rewards in the Win column. Both will feed off their late game heroics as each squad was familiar with shootout deciding games. One featuring Save of the Year nominee in AE2S’s Young and the other knocking off the #1 rank in Johnny’s over Pep. The big boys need to show up for each team. Miskavige and Roed for AE2S have been steady while C. Aarvig and Andrade have been workhorses for Johnny’s. To be decided on which goaltender is ready. A shootout seems fitting.
AE2S 4-3 S/O
GR-B vs. BWW
Broods looking for a 2nd half run to position themselves to defend their title. They’ll be leaning to D. Hovet who was pivotal in that success a year ago. Hovet looking to shake off a few rough holiday break, Friday Noon skates after completing less than 6% of his passes. This is an interesting matchup for BWW and knowing Netminder Butkowski, he will be chomping at the bit to shut down this offense heavy team. Could be closer than analysts expect.
Adams vs. Spicy Pie
Spicy Pies Berning has been spreading the sauce on a regular basis as the restaurants lead pizza maker, but struggling to do so on the ice after being recruited as a highly touted setup man. Team spokesman R. Johnson, “It’s safe to say the Berning Experiment just hasn’t panned out the way we expected…we’ll likely be Team Pizza Hut in a year from now.” Adams will need to get going right away against this squad which could be a problem for some. Adams Geatz reporting in after a required 2nd half team physical at 11 pounds heavier after eating from nothing but meat and cheese trays for the last 3 calendar weeks. Spicy sets the tone early and often.
Week 7 Picks
Johnny’s vs. Spicy Pie
Pies’ C. Kirchoffner hoping to get back to “normal” after suffering a debilitating Gymnastics injury 3 years ago. He’s hoping to share more of his story in his Memoir, ‘Pummeled by the Pommel: Grown Men Cry Too’, which is expected to be in bookstores just in time to stuff those stockings. C.K. added, “Hoping I can get back on that ‘Horse’ (Horse in this case=Team contribution) and help the fellas out.” Johnny’s J. Roinila on Kirchoffner, “I was at that meet… awful way to see my favorite Gymnast end his career.” The Pies are on a 5 game winning streak and playing with confidence. Former teammates on either side should make for a fun one to watch. Pies make it 6.
Spicy P 7-5
Red Pepper vs. Adams
Pepper comes into this week leading the race in the most unpredictable roster award as they’ve had to shuffle lines each week due to commitment concerns. Pepper’s L. Cieklinski on the situation, “Hoping to get the fellas together over the break and maybe drive around and look at Christmas lights as a little team bonding activity.” Peppers A. Vigen, “Awful idea…but I’ll drink the Kool-Aid”. Adams looking to rebound after losing a physical game late a week ago after a deflection off of Bacskai’s stick, which is technically his second career goal. Adams Grinde, “Tough way to lose…also weird that Bacskai celebrated after deflecting it in.” Game of the week here, and for good reason. Both teams have goal scorers in McIntyre and Martinson. Pepper has the depth.
BWW vs. Rumors
Rumors laboring after two goals by AE2S a week ago were needed to score one on the board after a questionable no-goal call was made. Forx Hockey’s honor code was apparently violated and the 2020 budget has now included lie detector testing equipment for each locker room. Rumors J. Neith on the issue, “My eyes were closed when I pulled the puck out of the net…”. BWW will be tasked with another tough opponent. They will do so one man short after the leagues naughty list acquired its first two victims a week ago in what was described as an on-ice tickle fight by bleacher fans. Rumors took their foot off the gas last week but maybe needed a wake-up call.
GR-D vs. ISight
The leagues All-Time scoring leader, M. Lukkason, to be a healthy scratch in this weeks contest. Team Spokesman A. Theisen, “This group will need to get the lungs charged up in a hurry with the amount of extra ice time each guy will get now”. According to forxhockey.com, Lukkason is averaging 43 min/game. Meanwhile, ISight still bolstering the largest roster in the league at 22 Skaters with players averaging 2 shifts per game. ISight beat Daydreams a year ago. They’ve played good games against good teams but haven’t been able to get the extra bounce. The Brown Bros get going early.
GR Broods vs. AE2S
AE2S’s Jaroslav Solc, (pronounced Gerald Solstice), expected to be a game time decision after lingering “body aches” to his calves, hamstrings, abdomen, lower back, upper back and finger tips after what seems to have been a wild Christmas Party over the weekend, seen here. Regardless, he’ll look to hype his team after failing to do so in front of an unamused collection of coworkers. Broods D. Hovet on the game, “Forget the game, I know I’ll be first in line to have Gerald sign my Vinyl Record of his debut album!” AE2S is a tale of two stories and seem dependent on a full roster. Broods are looking for a win to avoid going into the break below .500 which would be the first time ever since the Kuntz’s Grandfather started the team in the late 60’s. I have been wrong on every AE2S pick this year so this means nothing.
Week 6 Picks
AE2S vs. Rumors
The Commish recently received “Spam” from Team Gaddie after further spats have continued between the two parties dating back to league inception. S. Gaddie was the latest to fire back at the Commish’s Week 1 comments of ‘having the body of a lunch lady’ with his response, seen here. The Commish’s Front Office then sent a reused, detailed Memo to the Gaddie’s, seen here. With this distraction looming in the locker room, the AE2S’s will need numbers to battle against a back-check heavy team in Rumors. The 2S’s were roster depleted the last go-a-round when scheduled with the early frame. Rumors rolls on.
Broods vs. Spicy Pie
Spicy Pie enters this week coming off a huge win against arguably the best team in the league thus far in Pepper. 4th Liner, J. Tanahill, who was a healthy scratch all of last year, put together a quality performance alongside fellow squad mate L. Montgomery, who had the eventual shootout GWG. Broods got the win they needed but dropped drastically in this weeks Beerwise Rankings after putting up an unnecessary 14 goals?...last week. Game of the week and for good reason. A rematch to last years Championship. Coinflip.
Spicy 7-6 S/O
BWW vs. ISight
Two teams that need to find the back of the net quick before they fall further into the cellar dwellings of the standings. ISights M. Link, “has a feeling” about this week. “My Horoscope said today would be a good day …sooooooo”. Link, a Gemini, will need to rally the troops and put this team on his back that he was forcefully handed over in the offseason. BWW’s hot hand E. Johnson who has tied his career high in points 5 weeks in at a benchmark 3 points, will be a key player if his team can find success. BWW can slow down any team. ISight needs it more but BWW gets a late one.
GR-D vs. Adams
GR-D’s game last week capped off what may have been the best week of games thus far this season. Playing thru a smoky haze, bloodshot eyes and becoming increasingly hungrier during the game, they were stifled yet again by Decker in net. Both teams can bury it. Expected to a fast-paced game from ice level; from the stands will look like another group of slow, semi-obese grown adults trying way too hard. Two of the leagues best go head to head in Lukkason and Martinson. Should be a give and take game from puck drop. GR gets a bounce.
Red Pepper vs. Johnny’s
Johnny’s will need to feed off last week’s nail biter win. They’ll be looking to a 6lb 10oz sweet baby Jesus for an early Christmas miracle to find a way to knock off power house Pepper. Playing out of their minds last March in the Playoffs they’ll need their veterans to find a way to play that same style hockey. Peppers Tofte, who’s described as weak on his stick and in personality, will be looked upon to lead the way for his squad by his signature defensive zone line changes and 7 minute shifts. Pepper will push on in a defensive grind out game.
Week 5 Picks
BWW vs. Johnny’s
BWW making the W column after a solid performance a week ago. Playing against a short-handed AE2S, they were able to score early and often. C. Butkowski, older and the weirder of the Butkowski brothers, set the tone for his squad, “For the record, I was the original Butters”. Johnny’s played a grind it out style game last week coming up a couple goals short. They are still high on the Commish’s, ‘Bro’s to watch out for’, as we get deeper into the season. Sauve in net has been fantastic to start the season. BWW needs lightning to strike twice. The Aarvig bros get things done.
Spicy Pie vs. Red Pepper
The turkey leg hangover game of the week featuring a team dressed in an abundance of Joggers vs. Wrangler dad jeans. A great opportunity to see how the leagues oldest team in Pepper, avg. age 36, and Spicy Pie, avg. age 16, square off. The Pies’, not only Sophomore’s in the league but Sophomore’s in high school will need to utilize their muscly arms and hope that’s enough against Pepper’s loose skin and old balls. I’ve used the analogy many times before and it wont be the last. The Tortoise beats the Hare.
ISight vs. Broods
Team ISight wearing the hard hats after a furious battle against the Sophomore’s. A team showing they can skate with some of the best the last few weeks will again faceoff against last year Champ. Despite no points in the standings, they continue dominance in weekly fan base. Broods went into last weeks holiday break flatfooted and need a jolt from their veterans. D. Kuntz skating his first game since last March looked like a man running a marathon in flippers. R. Kuntz post game, “It was ugly… for him… and our family.” Both teams need a win. Depends on which goalie sees the puck.
GR-B 7-6 S/O
Adams vs. AE2S
The parity in the league this year is becoming visible as teams that may have been less competitive in years past are now producing. Except AE2S……Adams A. Martinson is “so hot right now” according to his girlfriend. Leading the league in points, he’ll need to keep up the pace this week to fend off a pesky 2S team. Adams rolls on.
GR-D vs. Rumors
Daydreams K. Cooksey making headlines this week after seen wearing two chin straps to help secure his lid because of the amount of hair product he uses. New guy D. Biermaier had this to say, “Wait… that was hair gel..?? Figured he always swam laps before the games”. Rumors Decker has been a wall again this year and the People’s Goalie will need to be stellar yet again this week. Decker on this weeks matchup, “Smells like Vidal Sassoon on the ice every time we play them…now I know.” These games are always tight. GR-D gets the late one.
Week 4 Picks
ISight vs. Spicy Pie
As mentioned a week ago, ISight is in the midst of a hellacious stretch in the schedule. Flashes of greatness seen from a few of the new guys in Frankenhoff and Seeger. They’ll need their elder folk in Cink and Kyle to set the tone early if they stand to win one Wednesday. The ride continues against an almost fully loaded Spicy P roster. Pies’ Montgomery, who was tied for 10th in league points last season, has one assist thus far, which the referees most likely mislabeled and mistakenly awarded to him. Pies’ C. Kuntz on Montgomery, “The guy would take a Nerf bullet for any of us, but, on the ice he’s dead weight”. The Pies’ get the extra bounces.
Spicy P 7-4
Red Pepper vs. Rumors
A Thanksgiving extravaganza as the #1 vs. #2 faceoff in the Gobble Gobble Game of the Week. It was a rough week for the Freddy’s. One leading the pack on this year’s naughty list while the other logged more box time then ice time. Despite the shenanigans, Pepper won big and has been dominant to start the season. Kvistad has been solid but Forx analysts are hesitant about jumping on the bandwagon this early as his first true test in net should be tonight. A potent Rumors squad looks for an answer against a team that has historically won the games when they mattered. A goal tenders dual.
GR-D vs. Johnny’s
The Commish looking to keep his scoring streak alive at 2 games. Only skating hard during warmup’s and when on breakaways greatly reduces those chances. “Haven’t skated into a corner or board battled in 4 years…I could get hurt out there”. GR-D faces off against a gritty Johnny’s team. Not only are they a scary team that has potential to make another deep run at the playoffs they simply have scary people on the team… I haven’t made eye contact with Jari since early 2016… this matchup is the 2nd coinflip of the year. Daydreams with a couple key roster losses could be costly. GR-D in extras.
GR-D 7-6 S/O
AE2S vs. BWW
AE2S looking for a quick turnaround after back to back losses against highly ranked squads. They skate hard for all 51 and frustrate opponents with their defense. BWW’s Verke frustrates opponents with his own unique style of defense. Known as a cat lover, his gear smells like Tidy Cats litter and over uses the tag line, ‘Stop kitten around’ to the other teams forwards. Lothspeich and Kwiatkoski need to get things going for their team. Anticipating a goal for goal game. AE2S pushes on.
GR-B vs. Adams
This matchup a notable runnerup to the Gobble Gobble. The Turkey Leg game of the week named in part by Adams’ Geatz’s short and stubby legs. Inconspicuous on the ice this year will be needed as the Adams team cannot feed off winning games with one player. The Broods played their style of game in a much needed victory. Destiny’s Child heard blaring from the teams locker room boom box post game makes you feel this team is back. Adams Gunnerson made big saves a week ago. Kross will need to match his fellow netminder if they have a chance. If Broods has a full roster they turkey trot.
Week 3 Picks
AE2S vs. GR-D
A contest that reminds us of what real sportsmanship is all about. A joke between the 2 squads a year ago that almost sent 2S’s, S. Gaddie, to prison for insurance fraud and GR-D’s, M. Lukkason, that recreational adult hockey is more important than the customer. Both teams play a fast, turnover-heavy style. GR-D may possess a couple extra weapons in this one with 2S’s loss in Muehlberg. Nevertheless, this matchup never disappoints.
Johnny’s vs. GR-B
Johnny’s turning heads early this season after two dominant games. A 1-1 record with a loss coming against a strong Rumors team. Johnny’s, J. Roinila, who led the team in points a season ago has only registered one thus far. According to a recent LinkedIn interview, Roinila blames fatigue over the long and late 2019 harvest season. After several minutes he then clarified that his ‘harvest’ work was mining bitcoin. It was a fun fact to learn that was still a thing. The 2019 Broods team is in a similar situation as the 2018 squad, next to last in the rankings. Panic unlikely for this squad as they’ve played two top 3 teams to start the season. A dumpster fire last year that should switch gears to lots of goals by both teams. Sauve could steal one here.
Rumors vs. Adams
A renewed yearly rivalry and a ‘referees looking for the fast forward and mute button’, are the headlines in this contest. Light ‘chirping’ between members of the two teams was witnessed at a Youth hockey practice this week by the Commish in what he felt was, “educational for all of us out there”. Martinson and Grinde have put together some wacky numbers in 2 games thus far. Meanwhile, Hegg, Knutson, and Kouba have had their fair share of biscuits in the basket. I usually lean towards Decker in these situations, but the Adams team has seen him plenty. The first coinflip of the season.
Adams 6-5 O/T
ISight vs. Red Pep
ISights true colors yet to be ‘seen’, as greasing the wheels was a week one expectation and week two featured a depleted supporting cast with the early game. It won’t get any easier for them as they face arguably the 2 best teams in the next 2 weeks. Pep has put up crooked numbers to start the season at the hands of the Baron Quartet. A package deal that has been complemented by new comer Fred K. Peppers Aubol, “these new guys have been a breath of fresh, sweaty air…but know this…there can only be one Freddy.” Crooked numbers continue to be the trend here.
Red Pep 8-2
BWW vs. Spicy Pie
BWW plummeted to the bottom of the latest Beerwise Rankings this week. BWW’s Strande, “we like to get things rolling around weeks 12 or 13.” The Pies’ picked up a win in what looked like a lame Thursday Night Football game featuring the Dolphins vs. the Browns on the scoreboard with a 10-7 goal fest. League sources confirmed that both teams had goalies for the full 51 minutes. The Pies’ youth will have an edge in this one as 90% of the rostered members still unable to biologically take part in Movember festivities.
Spicy P 7-4
Week 2 Picks
ISight vs. Adams
Both teams coming off opening night losses. Adams will again look to T. Geatz to right the ship. Geatz, who now only eats Plant based beef after last weeks face weight gain comment, knows he will need to “lean” on the talent from fellow forwards Martinson and Litzinger. Meanwhile, the artists formerly known as Joe Blacks had a sluggish start missing some notable skaters but are looking to work some of the kinks out with their new additions. Both teams featuring new goalies but Adams blue line core with the return of Bacskai gives Adams the edge needed.
AE2S vs. Spicy Pie
AE2S got things going last week with their regulars making ends meet on the score sheet. With a last minute goalie recruit in J. Young, they will be a team to not overlook like everyone has done the last 3 calendar seasons and will most likely continue to do for the next 3 calendar seasons. The Pies’ looked flat in their debut but showed signs of life late. Like many other squads, new faces in the lineup had first week jitters that need some weeding out. AE2S gave these guys fits last year early on.
AE2S 5-4 S/O
GR-D vs. GR-B
Another annual contest that has early ticket sales at nearly 6 seats sold. GR-D has not lost a game yet this year when scoring first… will look to keep their top forwards rolling with long shifts and defensive line changes. Broods opener debut was a Kuntz-less one as both former Forx All-Americans were noticeable absences in a blowout loss. Both teams have talent. Good guys get a bounce.
BWW vs. Red Pep
BWW sporting new business suits in the opener. They’ll need more than fashion and a league leading BMI after a summer filled of lake weekends and backyard BBQ’s. Red Pep looked fast and furious. Mcintyre’s video game type passes and vision are almost impossible to defend. That reloaded roster will have BWW on their heels early and often.
Red Pep 7-3
Rumors vs. Johnny’s
Johnny’s, C. Seng, has fit right in under the Johnny’s franchise after a failed ownership of the former R&R Gravel team 2 seasons ago. Keys to his success not only include physical fitness but a healthy diet and drinking filtered sump pump water after this Fall’s abundant supply. Like many other GF residents, he’s able to refresh himself every 3 minutes @ 9 gallons per minute. Rumors looked like well-oiled machines a week ago. Their year-round regiment paid off against a former championship team. Sauve in net will have his hands full in this one.
Week 1 Picks
GR-B vs. Red Pepper
Broods raising their banner in this one as they face off in their 4th consecutive League opener. Should be plenty of chest puffing as they will take on a 2-time League Champion*in Red Pepper. The Pepper Young Guns have dismantled to one Young Gun but have imported some cross-town talent in the offseason which should help them pick up where they left off a season ago.
Broods Key Returners: C. Jacobi, J. Vigen, D. Hovet Red Pepper Key Returners: No one
Red Pep 6-4
GR-D vs. BWW
GR-D’s Dennison returns to action this year but shedding a spotlight in a new way for the team as the Head Spirit Coordinator (image shown here). Denny on his promotion, “looking forward to continuing some of my other duties as well, i.e. carrying the guys’ equipment from their cars to the locker room and filling water bottles.” BWW sporting with what looks to be this years roster high score of 22 bros. Langerud looking into adopting Termite style hockey and limiting players to 15 second shifts at last weeks team meeting. A good rivalry that traditionally comes down to the final minutes.
Spicy Pie vs. Rumors
Spicy given a league contract extension and will give things another go after losing an instant classic Championship game. A few new faces added after losing the 3 stooges(Haley’s) from their potent offense. On the other side Rumors is business as usual skating this week as they have collectively been skating twice a week for 3 calendar years. With ice in their veins they will look to get a jump on Spicy Pie early and cling on to a victory similar to last years 1st meeting. Rumors Decker rarely disappoints.
Adams vs. Johnny’s
Adams Team, 4th line/Extra Forward on the depth chart, T. Geatz, ready to get back into league play after a 3rd consecutive unproductive season. Geatz hoping his summer weight gain, primarily in his face, will help his position play to start the season. Chris Adams on Geatz’s return, “He certainly sounded skinnier on the phone”. Johnny’s tweaked their name and roster slightly this season. Brotherly love the theme with 3 sets of bros in the lineup. Johnny's with a couple underdog upsets in last years playoff push, they start the season with another here.
ISight vs. AE2S
Forx Fans just as surprised as I was to still see both Gaddie’s listed on the active roster for AE2S. 2S’s Solc, “Theres Iron men…and on the other end, theres Gaddie’s”. The Commish followed up with, “Great to see someone as old as Shawn giving it hell, even though he has the body of a lunch lady out there.” Isight coming in a close 2nd in the roster race high score as they are joining BWW in the bid for league expansion. A revamped squad with new faces will look to fill in the gaps of some key roster spots lost over the summer break.