Commish's Corner© is a highly detailed and in-depth make believe look into Forx Hockey Leagues weekly matchups and other current events. Some of the names and locations may have been changed for no reason in particular...
For Many it probably feels odd that the final night will commence although we have only just scratched the surface on the month of March. My message is very reminiscent of years past. Thank you to all that competed this season. The continued respect from player vs. fellow opponent has not gone unnoticed. I greatly appreciate everyone’s contribution to that. Thank you to the referees. Without them the league is stuck with guys like me and Jarda Solc, which is no good for any team or the game of hockey in general. Have a great offseason and lets do it again in November.
The final pick is in….
Week 17 Playoff Picks
Red Pepper vs. GR/Broods
The Peppers prevailed, despite subpar attendance, beating a loaded Rumors team in the leagues latest addition of “The Upset of the Week” sponsored by Pepto Bismol. Meanwhile, the Broods blasted by their Golf Center opponents who were reportedly resting many of their players leading into an eventual state high school championship. A matchup on hand in the Finale with two teams that have continued on from their storied franchises, dating back as long as 20 years ago.
Initiate fun fact mode:
-Pepper is playing in their 4th Championship and won all 3 of their previous Championship Bouts
-GR/B is playing in their 4th consecutive Championship contest. Losing their last two, one to the Pepperites
-This game will feature a Forbey Baker winner, Goalie of the Year, Rookie of the Year, 8 Forbey Finalists, and winners of the most Points in the season.
The Peppers will rely on their elders experience with their tube socks and sneakers mentality, keeping the game simple and not falling behind early. Broods wears teams out. Rinse and repeat. 3rd period onslaughts have been consistent and frustrating for their opposition. The Broods key players, ‘Gooey and The Microscope’, will be heavily leaned on throughout but Pepper will counter with their young gunz 2.0, in Clin….Coltyn Sanderson and G. Johnson up front. These benches are far deeper than the 4 players mentioned and it’s a shame there will only be 51 minutes of regulation play to determine an outcome. The world needs a feel-good story right now…and the Broods look to deliver it. In the end, everyone wins in the Forx Hockey League.
Week 16 Playoff Picks
Red Pepper vs. Rumors
The Forx Frozen Four is not easy to make. Although the four teams represented are likely not a surprise, there were still players that have had to battle through the season to reach this stage of the season. Many of those players were weaker, less talented players found on teams like the Pepper. The Commish knowingly took the opportunity to share some of his own experiences on how to complete all 17 weeks of intense physical and emotional peaks and valleys; seen here. These two squads split their season series. Rumors took the first contest with speed and wearing down the Red Army. The 2nd meeting the RP’s took the upper hand but the game had no playoff implications. The RP’s played both matchups with out their full compliment of borderline NHL talent on hand, which could be the case again this week. Sometimes addition by subtraction is a truthful comment, but the RP’s may have gone negative. Rumors will need to lean on their speed in Halonen, Aikens, and Neubert to create their chances. Rumors moves on and returns to their 3rd championship game, first since year 2, if they get a few early.
Golf Center vs. Broods
The Douce’s have been quite the tandem and were worthy Forbey top candidates in their own right. J. Douce put together a 6-point night a week ago adding back-to-back power play goals fed by linemate R. Douce. Nicknamed ‘the microscope’ for his vision on the ice, R. Douce co-led in assists for a team that finished 2nd in team goals-for among the league totals. Golf Center has favored nicely off the seasons put together by R. Johnson, newcomer R. Turner, midseason pickup T. Savage, and the weekly ‘participation’ by A. Johnson on the blueline. A 7-4-2 record for the GC’s made them apart of the top 4 for the entirety of the season but they were 0-4-1 against the top 3 teams this season, and specifically 0-2 against the Broods. The statistics have the Broods dialed in to return to their 4th straight championship game in as many years.
Week 15 Playoff Picks
Adams vs. Rumors
The first of four Quarterfinals of the night begins with a featured contest of gentlemen’s rivalry of years past. Adams is looking for a big piece to their offense to return back into the lineup. A. Martinson, an active member of the Jehovah Witnesses, was injured in a slip and fall accident a month ago in an attempt to set a record of house visits in one day. The current record is 492 visits and Martinson was on pace before the injury occurred, he was later disqualified from the Jehovah of the month club. The team was 4-4 with Martinson in the lineup and 1-4 during his absence. Adams last win against Rumors came on opening night of the 2020 campaign with a shootout victory. Rumors speed and danglers in their lineup will keep Adams defense busy. Adams need some bounces and everyone to contribute or this could be over after the 1st. The battle continues…
Johnny’s vs. Broods
Broods have been atop the standings since the first week of the season. Broods J. Douce was a huge factor in their success. Averaging over 3 points per game and nearly perfect attendance on the season, Douce was able to co-lead in the points race and is a favorite to win the Forbey Baker. Douce will be battling injuries of his own, nursing an infected belly button piercing after winning the regular season title. His BB became iritated after he volunteered to be the ‘host’ of a team, round of body shots. If his team is able to win the championship, hes expected to pierce his ear in a gauge style and connect the two rings with a gold chain. A trend seen in many beer leagues as of late. Johnny’s will need to reengage some pep in their step to have any chance. The last two weeks they played to their opponents speed which ended up being both ends of the spectrum. Johnny’s showed signs of life towards the back half of the season with key post-holiday additions… but… they play the Broods. Johnny’s Olson nets his standard 2 goals and Sauve will frustrate early but in Broods fashion will wear them out in the 3rd.
Daydreams vs. Red Pepper
Daydreams Theisen also among the list of this weeks returners to his respective lineup. Spending nearly a month on the ‘unable to perform’ list based on Covid-19 protocols, its still being determined by local scientists whether or not the Theisen household has had Covid-20 thru -25 also make a special guest appearance in their home the past month. Cant imagine being out for a month will affect his abilities against a Pepper powerhouse that has been apart of the Big 4 all season. Pepper loaded with Forbey finalists and not to forget the other half of the points co-champion in C. Sanderson that saw fellow RP, G. Johnson finish 1 point behind the race. The good guys are the underdogs here and have a tough hill to climb. A lot of talent and the Ringer in net… the RP’s look to repeat.
Red P 7-5
BWW vs. Golf Center
Golf Center latched on to the 4 spot in the standings for the better part of the season. R. Johnson led the way putting together his 3rd straight 20+ point season. Johnson and company have speed to add to the mix and are among the league leaders in lowest penalty minutes on the season. 5 on 5 hockey is where they will wear teams down. BWW with their best seeding placement since league inception and made offseason acquisitions that give them a shot in this one. BWW Butters is the elephant in the room… his game to win.
Week 14 Playoff Picks
Johnny’s vs. AE2S
Theres nothing quite like the scent of 13 weeks of a fermenting hockey bag with the understanding that for some tonight, it will be unzipped with playoff glory or bitter defeat. That quote may have made the all-time top quotes list and I encourage all of you to ‘control C’ that baby and ‘control V’ that somewhere important…or ‘control P’ it and frame it. Speaking from a first hand experience, Johnny’s is not a 9 seed despite what their record shows. Johnny’s Forbey candidate, R. Olson, may be finally getting some support up front which was missing most the season. With a solid performance from Sauve in net and a few timely goals, Johnny’s could surprise Forx fans. AE2S is back in a familiar play-in position and were an ‘icing’ away from avoiding this weeks game. JW in net will need to be stingy and hope the Engineer offense can muster a few extra goals. 5 years of playoffs with no OT 3v3… could this be the one? Coinflip
AE2S 6-5 OT
iSight vs. Adams
A 7-10 split. The 10 has unfortunately held those reigns since week 1 and quite possibly since year 1… but god bless ‘em for showing up and giving it hell every week. Adams is in a tailspin. Starting the season 4-1, then finishing the last 8 weeks going 1-7, their one victory in that span coming towards their opponent tonight. iSight has goal scorers, but will need more than every ‘bounce’ going their way. On paper the stats have Adams moving on with the wind at their back sending iSight to the Forx Hockey Toilet Bowl next week. After AE2S’s slide to the 8 seed, Adams may now have the chance to be the sleeper team in the playoffs to ruffle some feathers.
Week 13 Picks
iSight vs. Golf Center
For any Commish Corner fact checker, I said iSight would win a game this season, but now I’m running out of time on that call as they wrap up the regular season against the young, muscly armed, whipper snappers. The GC’s now in their senior year of the FHL will enter the playoffs as the 4 seed. Some notable achievements for the GC’s since joining the league: Have finished among the top 4 each year, 2.6 average team GPA, 72% graduation rate, and nearly all members have a valid driver’s license. The GC’s check the box and prepare for round 2, while iSight checks the standings to await their round 1 opponent.
Red Pepper vs. Rumors
The Number 2 and 3 seeds square off in a matchup that wont matter the outcome based on the season standings, but will give a possible look to a late post season affair. The Rookie of the Year to be decided between two fellow Red Peppers is about the only notable tidbit in this game. Nonetheless, this will still feature some fast players and plenty of scoring for any of those bringing the kids out. Coinflip finish but RP might be able to sneak a season split.
Red P 7-6
Broods vs. Adams
The Broods have locked up the regular season title. Theres a few more items on the list this week to complete for the fellas in white. With a win they would secure the most league points in league history with 37. Some personal achievements are still out to grab as well with a points race and a goalie of the year award. And unless they lose to Adams 0-29 this week, they will also set a league record goal differential tally which is currently rocking a +78. Adams needs a lot of help this week to avoid a play-in game next week. They have the potential to stay put at the 5 seed or drop as low as 8. Adams needs to find some momentum, but they will have to wait until the playoffs to do so.
GR-D vs. Johnny’s
A rare Johnny’s sighting on the top 5 bros of the week and Otremba with the #1 spot to boot. Johnny’s will need more Otremba heroics this week despite testing positive for Covid on Monday. Following the CDCs guidelines with 5 days of quarantine, Otremba will have 2 days completed, will skate with his team Wednesday, and then finish his last 3 days beginning again on Thursday. With a Johnny’s win, the two teams will face off again next week. A GR-D win could see them move to 5 with some help. The teams were evenly matched the first time around that saw the GR-D’s sneak a W with some late 3rd period goals. GR-D gets sneaky a 2nd time.
AE2S vs. BWW
The end of the regular season ends the night with a classic matchup. The reason we love to play. Two middle of the road teams that have battled all year and have had their 12 weeks of ups and downs. Two teams that don’t field the best players in the league, in fact, most rostered are statistically the worst players, But dammit all these clowns have given it their all to make it to this playoff implication contest. (pause for uncontrollable emotional sobbing). With all that being said, both teams will likely not make it past the first round like the rest of us Schlubbs at the bottom of the standings…… The engineers make things interesting on this week.
Week 12 Picks
BWW vs. GR-D
The Commish’s 40th birthday-week celebration continues. Monday consisted of a trip to the Fargo Zoo and Space Aliens; Tuesday was laser tag day at Northern Air; Thursday -Sunday are still be planned with ideas in no specific order being discussed, i.e. parade, all you can eat party @ Widmans, a 2nd parade.… Wednesday will feature a game where BWW has agreed to let the Commish score a natural hat trick in the first minute of the game, fight their smallest, weaker guy (D. Palmiscno)… win the fight, and be carried off the ice on the shoulders by members of both teams after the ensuing ejection. The GR-D’s are looking for a series split after the first meeting displayed BWW’s Butters playing out of his brain in net. Despite Butters fair-weather approach on attendance, he’s expected to be in net in a crucial standing’s implications contest. Birthday Boy gets the nod.
Adams vs. Johnny’s
The Top 5 Bros list of Week 11 featured 4 really good beer league bros…… and then R. Bacskai. Since his skill has been declining more rapidly then the rest of the league, It was a feel good story for a guy who scored his first 4 points of the season in one showing. Bacskai added, “It’s been a journey, I haven’t been able to shed the weight gain after my wife had our 2nd child…so this is neat to make the list.” Bacskai and his steady diet of Metamucil, will look to gain valuable points in the standings against a Johnny’s team that has likely locked into the 9 seed. Johnny’s kept things close the first meeting and maybe with the return of Ronila?? To the lineup, they can find that extra firepower. Adams needs it more.
iSight vs. AE2S
AE2S, my new number one as a playoff sleeper team, has sneakily gathered 4 valuable points from top 4 teams after winning back to back shootouts. The Engineers are also in the mix to move about the standings in the two final weeks or worst case, cause a disturbance for those also in the mix. iSight best game of the season came against the 2S’s earlier this season. Now their 2nd look of the season, it might just be a game to scout as the first play-in game could be these 2 teams again in 2 weeks.
Broods vs. Pepper
The game of the week on hand as the first of 2 games that feature the top 4 teams playing the ‘midnight’ time slots. Broods would like to get back to a full compliment of players, week 3 was the last time all hands were on deck. Broods D. Wurden has been the most notable absence after hes been dealing with split end issues in his giant beard since switching shampoos in late November. All of us at Forx Hockey hope for a speedy recovery. Broods showed their endurance in round 1 where we saw the RP’s simply run out of gas in the 3rd period. Lots of goals on display here.
GC vs. Rumors
The GC’s are basically a lock in the 4 spot and cannot move any higher. They’ll likely begin resting players this week after back-to-back midnight contests. Rumors controls their own fate. Their next two weeks can potentially see them take over the 1 seed or drop to 3. The leagues fastest teams go head to head here. GC’s need to find some chemistry after a slight roster change over the Christmas break. Coinflip contest.
Rumors 6-5 S/O
Week 11 Picks
iSight vs. Adams
If you happen to find yourself in the dairy section of grocery store this week you're bound to find the faces of the Adams hockey team plastered on the side of milk cartons. After a 4-1 start to their season, they have lost 5 straight, featuring a back breaker last week to rival GR-D. Sporting a 3-1 at the end of the first period, the Adams defense became GR’s top forwards en route to a 10 goal rally. Adams will surge back to life this week, likely moving right back into the 5 seed, giving iSight their spots back on the milk carton along the way.
GR-D vs. Broods
After last weeks breaking news of FHL making the prestigious list in Recreation Digests up and coming Beer Leagues, the Forx Hockey website likely to begin subscription fees to access the site. Rumored to be starting at $107.99 a month, the Commish defended the idea with, “Hockey blog Journalism doesn’t come free”. Many have shown disinterest while the Golf Center team has since reached out to their parents for their credit card information…A rivalry of the past in this contest which has been prominently dominant by the Broods in the last few years. More of the same here as the Broods are on pace for the regular season title.
BWW vs. Red Pepper
With a 2-2 month of November, the Peppers have rattled off 6 straight wins to keep pace with Rumors entering this week, 1 point shy of 2nd place. Pepper experimenting with the leagues first ever, mid-game, goalie swap during last weeks affair. The idea, which sounded fun scribbled on a bar top napkin, failed miserably and will no longer exist in any league in the tri-state area. BWW’s has shown glimmers of hope in pesky, upper team contests, but the RP’s have unnecessarily too much firepower.
Rumors vs. Johnny’s
Rumors on the rebound after last weeks barn burner against the Engineers. Considered the game of the year by all three people watching the game. AE2S’s Wuitschick in net was magical, quick to react and moving latterly on a dime, “pelvic sorcery” said the khaki wearing, Zamboni rink guy. Another ugly matchup for Johnny’s, but this game features the 367th time Sauve and Decker have played in opposite nets in the last 2 seasons. Rumors fires on all cylinders.
AE2S vs. GC
Can lightning strike twice for the Engineers? “I’m pretty sure, we still suck”, according to lead engineer Solc. The 2S’s will need plenty of help this week to keep pace with a speedy GC team, despite Solc’s claims they are at their best with 4 or fewer players in their lineup. No lightning strike in the forecast…cause its winter.
Week 10 Picks
AE2S vs. Rumors
Week 10 brings us back around to the ‘Remember us’ side of the schedule as the rinse and repeat function is in play to finish out the regular season. Rumors enters the week with an impressive 8-0-1 mark, countered by an unimpressive 2-6-1 AE2S record riding a 3 game losing streak. AE2S will be following up early Wednesday on ‘Help Wanted’ ads placed around town after a dismal 3 rostered players came to the party week 9. Rumors is too speedy in this one.
GR-D vs. Adams
The Commish caring nothing about this weeks matchup but relishing on his own recent accolades. Forx Hockey League was listed in Recreation Digest’s 2021 Wrap Up as one of the top 6000 Adult Recreation Hockey Leagues. After ranking in at 4,965th on the list, the Commish commented with, “Incredible achievement for all of us here in the FHL…also, really weird theres that many adult hockey leagues…”. C. Adams gave his two cents, “Seems a little high on the ranking.” And for that. GR-D squeaks out a season split.
Broods vs. Golf Center
Many players from multiple teams were absent last week as the annual ski trip ensued. With Brokeback mountain in the rear view, GC’s A. Johnson is looking to reinvigorate an ailing D core that has given up 25 of their 40 goals against… against the top 3 teams. Plenty of firepower on display in this contest with 3 of the top 10 point leaders on display in J. Deuce, D. Hovet and R. Johnson. With defense the key, Broods pins the GC’s back on their heels.
Pepper vs. Johnny’s
Pepper begins the 2nd half of the campaign 3rd in the standings but 10th in the Beerwise Rankings. They will continue to feed off heavy minutes from F/D, E. Tofte, who’s talent never seems to peak, but just stay slightly above average. The same issues plague a Johnny’s squad at the midseason mark in needing to find more support to compliment Olson up front. Big expectations in place for rookie sensation, Reslock, despite just learning to skate in late October, to fill that gap. Pepper rolls on with too many offensive threats at their disposal.
BWW vs. iSight
BWW playing in back to back ‘graveyard shift’ game time slots again this week. Expected to get back to the .500 mark in this one as the iSight family has yet to find a pulse on offense. iSight will continue to use their new tactic of screaming and various bursts of emotion to distract opposing teams, lead by B. Swenseid on the blueline. A for effort. BWW for the W.
Week 9 Picks
Pepper vs. Adams
The conclusion of the first half begins with two teams riding different paths. Adams is in a midseason funk, losing their last 3 games. The GPS line, (Greene, Pochatek, Sage), has gone radio silent scoring 4 points in those 3 games before notching 24 the previous 5 games. Pepper on the other hand has won 4 straight, likely beating weaker teams and barely winning those contests. Adams key to success will be the resurgence of the GPS line. Peppers key to success will be dependent on N. Schaefer finding a positive attitude. Both scenarios unlikely.
iSight vs. GR-D
Nearly another dumpster bowl game here but GR-D was able to pull out a rare victory. Shout out to the iSight clan and all 6 of them…. that came and gave ‘er hell last week against the RP’s. iSight scoring one goal last week on the scoreboard but felt like they won the Olympics when it happened. The goal was celebrated accordingly by teammate Swenseid in ‘scenic’ fashion. The league will not be allowing children to this weeks contest.
Johnny’s vs. Golf Center
Johnny’s has shown various signs of life this season but have not found the consistency. Olson, Halverson and Enlow have connected at times and throw in a time or two where M. Clausen carved up a few defensemen in his attempt to look like an out of shape, slow…slow motion beer league McDavid. The addition of young gun Reslock and Sauve the steering the ship, they might be a pick for a bracket buster in February. But for the 5th of January they play muscly armed men, that sweat protein juice and look like male models.
Broods vs. AE2S
No New Years resolutions needed for a Broods team that looks to finish the first half on top of the leaderboard, a place they’ve been since the 1st week. Where some folks look to begin a year with a new yoga regiment or by joining a gym; Broods J. Ladouceur looks to forego any of those ideas and take his already chiseled, round belly straight into the 2nd half atop the points leaderboard. Broods will frustrate the engineers and keep former Broods tender, Wuitschick, busy between the pipes.
BWW vs. Rumors
BWW looking to finish the round of 9 with a victory which would solidify a winning record and would be their first since league inception. Unfortunately, Seven Clans Casino odds are not in their favor, at 5000 to 1. Rumors M. Nevala most likely arguing those odds claiming its closer to 5003 to 1. Nevala is known for operating a side twitter account ‘@Mitchspicks’ for his own take on Forx games weekly picks. Upon learning of the account, which has zero followers, The Commish was quick to remind Nevala that their is intense sports science and dedicated background knowledge into each Forx Hockey League pick that can only be mustered by one man…..
Week 8 Picks
Johnnys vs. Broods
Broods finished the first half of the regular season with a league best 19 points. Many of those games were decided with strong 3rd period dominance. “We implemented a ‘snack time’ during the 2nd intermission,” according to Broods’ N. Benke. For any Forx dad that has had a kid go through Grand Forks youth soccer, snack time between halves is no surprise. Nothing screams beer league hockey like a pack of Teddy Grahams and a Capri-Sun en route to the 3rd period. Johnny’s reportedly set to start their own snack program with Taco Bell and milk on the week 8 menu. Milk was a bad choice.
Rumors vs. Adams
Although many took the week off, it’s a guarantee these two teams still skated two-a-day practices during the break. Rumors Neubert, the teams fastest skater, is considering trading in his roller hockey bag for a shoulder bag after the incredible post-christmas shape he’s in. Not so fast says Adams T. Geatz. Geatz, who only wears pants with elastic waistbands, sent a friendly reminder that he notched his first goal before the break and looks to rinse and repeat with another 87 shot attempts likely needed. The Hare wont wait around for the Tortoise.
AE2S vs. GR-D
Christmas was generous to AE2S’s J. Tupa after humbly bragging via the teams group chat of his new moisture wicking jock strap. Forx fans hoping for a picture or two of the new digs’; unfortunately, the Forx law team was quick to shut down and not disseminate any photography of Tupa and his garments. GR-D planning to send Dennison to get dressed in their locker room for a full scouting report. GR-D needs it more?
BWW vs. Golf Center
Two teams that have sort of just hung around the middle of the pack all season. Many wrote off the GC’s with the key loss of Miller and the returning of Tanahill and Norman. Meanwhile the BWW squad has been impressive, knocking off some top caliber beer league bros with Butters notably being the key to those victories, then laying a few eggs along the way. BWW carries too much of a holiday hangover.
iSight vs. Red Pepper
The league hoping that the iSight family was able to unwrap some 8lb. 6oz. little baby Jesus’s that score goals. If not, we’ll try again next week. Pepper pounces.
Red Pep 10-2
Week 7 Picks
Broods vs. Rumors
Game of the week on display in the weekly opener on our way into the holiday break. The ‘Douces put on a clinic last week tallying 9 points collectively with J. Douce taking the lead spot in the season points race after last weeks performance. Rumors looking for a new placekicker after missing two extra points in last week’s unnecessary 19? to 1 victory. Both teams have unique skill sets and can play 3 periods. The two goaltenders are dominant and have been atop the goals against leaders since week 1. Broods rally late.
iSight vs. Johnny’s
With a third of the season in the rearview. The midseason toilet bowl is upon us. Apologies for the unfortunate naming rights that were once given by iSights, M. Link himself. Each team looking for some life support to carry a winning ‘streak’ into the Christmas break. Standings aside, the game should have entertainment value for the iSight faithfuls in the stands. Johnny’s Sauve is the backbone again.
Golf Center vs. GR-D
GC’s A. Norman likely a game time decision this week after blocking a shot from Adams J. Greene in last week’s affair. Norman considered a hero by his linemates in doing so as any fellow beer leaguer can attest that the pain from blocking a shot has been widely considered to be the equivalent to childbirth. Unless, that shot is coming off the stick of GR-D’s K. Cooksey, who’s game requires a stick with a 10-flex rating to achieve some sort of boomerang, whip motion in an attempt to have the puck not look like a little baby Skittle coming off the release. The GR-D’s live vicariously through the GC’s youth and it won’t be a surprise if the Ref’s hear general discussions between whistles about Justin Bieber and popular Jogger brands that are currently trending from the two squads. GR-D arguably played their two best games of the season the last two weeks despite them being losses. An analogy commonly used here but perhaps the tortoise wins the race?
BWW vs. Adams
Adams strength of schedule the next 3 weeks will show their true strength or lack there of, after a surprise start to the season lead by Sage, Pochatek and Grinde. Although suffering a loss last week, the moral victory of Adams T. Geatz scoring a goal was a crowd pleaser. Witnessing the feat first hand, watching and listening to the emotional eruptions by Geatz after missing atleast 6 breakaways and countless feeds in front of the net. The GC’s sensing a win pulled their goalie in the waning minutes to allow Geatz to bury his first of the season in a true holiday Hallmark moment. BWW needs the Aarvig twins come back to life to have any chance in this contest. The Adams GPS line is no fluke.
Adams 7-6 S/O
Red Pepper vs. AE2S
AE2S has 1 win against the Red P’s in 8 attempts, that coming when they upset a Red P team that was number 1 in the playoff standings and the 2S’s were clinging to an 8-seed, winning 5-1 during the 2019-20 campaign. The Commish digging deep on this one to end the night/week on some sort of Christmas miracle.
Red Pep 7-3
Week 6 Picks
iSight vs. Rumors
This week begins with a feel-good story of what might have been the first ever goal scored against Rumors Decker by the Commish in last weeks affair, the drought possibly dating back as far back as 10-12 years ago? The Commish celebrated the feat by going to Valley Dairy and buying $10,000 worth of scratch off lottery tickets and then used the game puck to scratch the tickets. In an unrelated story, a memo was sent out to the Forx team managers this week asking for an additional $1,000 from all 10 teams to assist in paying for “unforeseen league operating costs”. Decker is also rumored to be switching back to his yellow goalie jersey to help calm the storm. Kelly Kyle gets his standard issue 2 goals, but Rumors is a solid squad. They roll on.
Broods vs. BWW
Broods Lazur reveling on his first ever ‘Bro of the week’ accolades. Lazur came into the season with 16 points in 31 games but has been off to a stellar start this season issuing 9 points in his first 4 games. With the good comes the bad. Lazur filing an apology letter to former classmate? B. Swendseid of the iSight team. Swendseid, now fellow opponent, was the recipient of several shot attempts that were 'Lazur' beamed into her shin pads. It seemed as if Lazur mistook B.S.(a defense(wo)man) for the goalie after becoming disoriented by her pink game jersey. BWW left valuable points on the board last week that would have had them in great position leading up to this game. Butters will be busy, like really busy, in net.
GR-D vs. Red P
The GR-D’s know when things are bad when the Commish has more goals on the season thus far then All-Time League record holder, M. Lukkason. For a better perspective for the new folks, that’s like a 59 Overall vs a 91 Overall in NHL 22 video game player ratings. The GR-D’s need to get back to their old ways to turn their season around; lackluster plays that some how work in their favor and locker room convos of bros talking about bro stuff. The Red Army might score a couple thirteen-fourteen goals, they might dominate all facets of the contest; but they’ll never take the Commish’s lack of respect for the Pepper. The game likely to feature 4 refs in defense of the Commish after that previous comment.
Adams vs. Golf Center
The GC’s were on the wrong end of a Rocky game against the Pepper squad. The Peppers laid out a crooked number but also worth mentioning the GC’s played with only 3 players on the ice and no goalie the entire 51 minutes, so 14 goals wasn’t that many… The Adams family got back on track with a win last week and saw continued dominance from the Greene, Pochatek and Sage line, cleverly known as the GPS line. No coordinates needed; they know where the back of the net is. Coinflip matchup. Adams has been hot but the GC’s have a knack for bouncing back after a loss.
Adams 7-6 S/O
AE2S vs. Johnny’s
Game of the week? The Adams/GC’s might argue that call, but Johnny’s is coming off a monster win in a rival contest vs. BWW and the importance for AE2S to gain some valuable points are on the line. 2 solid goaltenders on display and two teams looking for a bit of confidence moving the biscuit. Could be a defensive affair with an extra pass or two to find the back of the net. The most creative team might steal this one.
Week 5 Picks
BWW vs. Johnny’s
Johnny’s has sent out their white flag. Cant blame the fellas in baby blue as half of their offense went AWOL year over year. Johnny’s R. Olson has been the spark plug to that dilemma but sources say hes padding his stats before entering this springs transfer portal. BWW’s streak continues as they added 2 more points to their season total. T. Corbett scoring a fancy GWG, seen here, in the shootout. Reunion tour here. The artists formerly known as Johnny’s players will keep BWW rolling.
iSight vs. Broods
Broods continue to look dominant. Putting up video game type numbers consistently. Their mantra to start this season has been to tirelessly coax their opponent into believing they have a chance… then to pour it on in the late stages. The Broods have scored 32 G’s on the season thus far, 16 of those coming in the 3rd period. Broods PPL finally adding to his stats, after needing an embarrassing 4 weeks to do so. iSight on the other hand is just hoping to reach double digits in the goal department this week. The unidentified flying objects will win a game this season. Not this week.
Adams vs. AE2S
The Engineers were an inch away from robbing a point from BWW after the goalies best friend saved a shootout goal from going in. That was shortly after the heroics of 2S’s Warner, when he sent them to the S/O, scoring with 1 second on the clock on a buzzer beater finish. Adams were down a couple key components to start their game last week but looked like they were down a man all night facing the Broods. Adams has been off to their best start in 6 years and Soderberg between the pipes has helped pave the way. Adams frustrates a struggling 2S’s team.
GR vs. Rumors
The GR’s finally got the monkey off their back with a win going into the holiday, which will most likely be short lived entering this weeks contest. In an effort to continue a win streak, the Commish is working to reschedule this contest and place his team against a team much worse, like Pepper for example. In a Baron type fashion, those rescheduled details won’t be shared until 6 minutes or less, before the game is to start.
Golf Center vs. Pepper
The night cap looks to offer up plenty of offense. The storied matchup for the muscly armed, ridiculously good looking, skinny pant’ed jogger boys vs. the sagging skin in unfortunate places, relaxed fit Levi’s pant’ed men. Peppers Pert Plus and a bar of Lever 2000 in the shower stall while the GC’s sport some sort of Axe 2in1, cool spearmint flavored, body wash. Both teams continue what has been a hellacious first month+ of strength of schedule which will bode well in the Forxwise rankings. GC ranked 3rd in the Forxwise, with Pepper currently 10th. Despite their record, Pepper has the weapons. GC’s will be on their heels against a hungry Pepper squad.
Week 4 Picks
iSight vs. Golf Center
The games will reportedly go on this week after the League officially folded at 7:44pm last Wednesday after GR-D suffered a debilitating final minute loss. With many of the GC athletes still being under the age of 18 and seemingly never aging, the GC parents are required to provide dibs/volunteer hours and will organize a plan for the games to be played. iSight kept things close a week ago, possibly coming out of their shell and showing some promise? This will be a tough matchup to make that judgement.
AE2S vs. BWW
The engineers were sloppy last week. Squeaking by an iSight team that had them projected by Forx analytics to win handedly after high praise about the skill of this rebuilt or better yet, reengineered 2S’s team. Unfortunately the 2S’s team passing percentage was an ugly 13% completed passes led by 2S’s Z. Roed, completing 0 of his 0 pass attempts. On the other hand, the guys in the black business suits are buzzing. The Aarvig twins and Seng helped steal another win in some late game heroics. Although, BWW will still most likely find a way to blow it and end up in the play-in games come playoff time, it was fortunate to finally have something good to say about their start to the season. Based off BWW’s play last week, they get the nod.
Red Pepper vs. Rumors
Since being cut from the Panzer Rental, Peppers Sanderson has come on to the scene in dominant fashion with 9 points tallied thus far. Complaining about too much ice time with his previous outfit, he joins a Pepper squad looking to get back to the traditional 3 shifts a period, citing lung capacity issues. Rumors edged a shootout win behind a S. Bye goal and will be tested again here. Pepper still reeling last weeks emotional thriller against the broods where they seemed to just simply run out of gas in the 3rd period in what might have been a glimpse of this years championship? Lots of goals expected in this one. Plenty of playmakers on both ends. Pepper topped off the tank this week.
Broods vs. Adams
Forx Hockey’s Turkey Day Extravaganza on display in this contest. So many media headlines could be dropped between these two organizations. Sage miraculously continues to collect points for the Adams squad and will finally have something interesting to talk about at the Thanksgiving dinner table, instead of previous years, drawn out stories about fishing and how big his truck engine may or may not be. Meanwhile Broods J. Ladouceur became the leagues fastest player to 50 points, doing so in 19 games. If Ladouceur plays as long as his father, Greg, played beer league, he’s on pace for 5,497 points. Adams will have their hands full and will do so a couple bros down to start the game after 2 new faces joined the naughty list stemming from a late 3rd period tickle fight. Broods have started every week slowly; their final scores show how strong they finish.
GR-D vs. Johnny’s
The night cap consists of two cellar dweller franchises. The Commish seen smiling ear to ear after notching his first goal since the infamous playoff game two years ago (when his ribs exploded in the losing end of a board battle…)…then to come out on his last shift with 45 seconds left and improperly cover the open guy on a 2on2 and cost his team the go ahead goal. Beer league is not for the faint of heart as many emotions are on display…which is why it was perfectly fine for the Commish to be seen crying in the locker room and noticeably pouting at Ground Round. Its what grown men do. Johnny’s following suit to the Adams team with the other half of the ticklers riding pine for the first 17. GR has been stymied by excellent goaltending in all 3 early season contests. Sauve hopes to add to the frustration.
Week 3 Picks
BWW vs. GR-D
The League reportedly rumored to fold if GR goes 0-3 to start the season. ‘Built this baby from the ground up to bolster my own team, not watch 9 others relish in glory’, exclaimed the Commish. The Commish taking last weeks dumpster fire loss on his shoulders claiming his pregame meal slowed him up a gear or two. Unfortunately having to resort to…. Red Pepper… 36 minutes prior to game time, the Commish fought down two tacos because El Gorditos, Charras and Tequila, Paradiso, Taco Johns, Mexican Village, Italian Moon, Taco Bell, Casa Mexico, Vinyl Taco and Red Pepper East (different owner) were all randomly closed at 8:00PM on a Wednesday night. GR-D will have their hands full as BWW is off to their franchises best start since the birth of the league. Despite a 1-1 record, they have tallied 16 goals in the first 2 games vs years past, (2020 6G’s, 2019 5G’s, 2018 6G’s, 2017 4G’s). Meanwhile, GR has…. 1 goal…. GR needs it more.
Broods vs. Red Pep
The story of the week was the debut of Maya Tellmann on defense for the Pepper to continue the family’s beer league legacy. In an effort to fit right in, she went on to berate the refs and shoot pucks after whistles. MT was added to the roster to add youth to help counter the geriatric core players in Tofte, Miskavage, and Robinson. Tellmann’s comments on the debut, “smelled like an old folks home when I got in the locker room, whiffs of baby powder and over applicated Bengay stung the nostrils”. Broods game planning new ways to generate offense as the league has now adopted the 2-line pass rule to help other teams keep pace. Broods have been dominant thus far and will need to be smart with the puck, which means limiting P-PL’s puck possession opportunities as he has yet to register a point and the last to do so for his team. Based on Forx analytics, P-PL is on pace to score 0 points during the 2021 campaign. Broods will be tested here, but they looked unbeatable a week ago.
Golf Center vs. Rumors
Forx Hockeys game of the week runner up in this contest. The GC’s riding a solid win last week on the heels of A. Johnson and T. Bender. Johnson displaying signs of greatness sporting a glorious white caged helmet that looked like one of his forefathers welded together with spare metal laying around the foundry. With his frail looking physique, he looked like a modern-day Cary Eades. Bender, scoring his first goal of the season and co-leading in team points, has become an instant fan favorite as it seemed both teams celebrated his achievement? “Felt like I took on the shape of a Unicorn,” commented Bender. Last checked…Bender is a former goalie? Both teams appear to have muscly arms and speed kills in this matchup. Rumors has the early season edge.
Adams vs. Johnny’s
All of a sudden Adams M. Sage is good? Jumping out to 6 points after two games is on the doorstep to surpassing his career high of 9 points. Sage is on pace for 51 points. The league will for sure fold if Sage puts up those kind of season numbers. Johnny’s is riding too much on #88. Olson needs another couple fellas to join the party and get things going. Sauve cant stop them all.
iSight vs. AE2S
The Commish has yet to see a minute of action from the iSight boyz so far this season. The return of Kelly Kyle was a bright spot before the season but early season numbers show they’ll need more contribution from all. Compound that with the fact that AE2S looks scary good this year. I think I speak for most when we all liked knowing that AE2S was an easy win (easy dub, Golf Center lingo), but they look loaded up to compete this year. AE2S gets going early.
Week 2 Picks
iSight vs. Adams
Adams sporting new sweaters last week which worked in their favor as it seemed to distract and ruin the GR/Day reunion tour. The story of the night was Adams M. Sage rattling off 3 goals which he hadn’t done since Termite hockey. Sage did so despite looking extremely ‘gassed’ after his first shift of the first period. He went through different shades of paleness and had that gross sweaty upper lip thing going on which means he was most likely seconds away from passing out the entire night. A special thanks to Adams team doctor J. Greene who was able to periodically check Sages vitals in between whistles. Adams stays in the W department if Soderberg repeats what he did in net a week ago. iSights identity still too early to be determined.
BWW vs. Red Pep
Peppers R. Horn, who recently turned 40 a few weeks ago, took notable exception to the Commish’s choice words from last weeks comments, speaking about the Pepper roster and their 'talent' level. After declining several phone calls, the Commish was able to draw audio from Horn’s voicemail, heard here. Meanwhile, BWW won their first, season opening contest since the leagues inception in decisive fashion. Adding the Aarvig twins resulted in instant results. The Twins, who were once the backbones of the Johnny’s scoring offense now showing they have no backbones after utilizing the transfer portal to join a new squad. Pepper squeaks by.
AE2S vs. Golf Center
The Engineers were short staffed on the Blue Line last week which forced the activation of Z. Roed to play defense. Roed was a -7 in the game. Too early to speculate the GC’s success this season with their loss of a couple notable scorers. Thankfully they haven’t aged at all which is a success in its own right. AE2S has had underdog success in the past against the GC’s.
Rumors vs. Johnny’s
Things won’t get any easier this week for the newly redesigned Johnny’s team as they take on a loaded Rumors squad. Johnny’s first month of hockey will be a grind as they will feature Adams and the leagues greatest storied franchise in GR/Daydreams to close out the month. There is a bright spot. Johnny’s T. Mutscher notched his first career league goal a week ago??! Although, Forx statistics are about as accurate as predicting the weather 2 months from now, it was still worth noting the possible achievement. Rumors Rolls.
GR vs. GR
Broods learned quickly last week the outcome of their traffic cone experiment and P-P. Lamoureux. “It’s clear PPL has little to no hockey experience, was just fortunate to find a way to possibly get him into the game this week”, seen here, described Jacobi on this weeks lineup. Daydreams offering up their own lineup to shut down the Broods top lines, seen here. A steady counterattack from the Daydreams top 3 forwards utilizing no one on defense. No idea where the Popcorn trophy is but I’m sure one of the losers from the Broods will have it readily available. Always a fun rivalry…when its not the playoffs…GR gets the win.
Welcome back…. Missed you. The picks are in.
Week 1 Picks
AE2S vs. Rumors
Rumors loaded up this offseason. Adding some young gun fire power to a team of overworked dad bod journeymen. Losing notable blue line defender, Danny Green, in the offseason to age and motor skills, they’ll be looking to the new guys to fill the void on what had to be the most distinct laugh the league lost with Greens departure. AE2S who had 7 months to find a netminder were reportedly seen lingering around the goalie section of Gerrells and Scheels waiting for a patron to recruit. They’ll likely skate 6 all 17 weeks.
Broods vs. Golf Center
Not much shakeup in the Broods locker room. After 2 trips to the Forx Finale in as many years, they’ll add P-P. Lamoureux in at defense to help the cause. Described as a brick-boot skater and ‘Lethargic’ looking on the blue line by fellow teammate B. Johs, Broods Jacobi plans on inserting a traffic cone in PPL’s place halfway through the game for comparison reasons. The GC’s are in roster regression after losing S. Bye and M. Miller due to irreconcilable differences to the team. Bye stating, “its not you guys, its me” in a recent TikTok video. GC’s now looking to add current Red River players to help fill gaps. Broods blueline is one of the best…which may now be better.
GR-D vs. Adams
The Band is back together for the GR’s. Losing 3 of their top 5 scorers from the 2019 campaign, Huttunen and Brown will dust off their sweaters and rejoin fellow returners in Wood and Leier who have been absent since 2017 (Covid-16 for an accurate reference point). More of the same expected from the Adams camp. Large roster, weak attendance. Adams will rely heavy again on Martinson, who notably recorded 0 minutes of defensive zone ice time last season, floating around the center redline most of the games with Litzinger on the blueline averaging 37 second shifts bolstering what great shape he’s in. GR-D will lean on the born-again returners.
Red Pepper vs. Johnny’s
Johnny’s is another team full of fresh faces. Sauve complaining that seeing 40 shots a game was not enough so they rightfully pulled the plug on their veteran staff. Couldn’t have been a better time to do so with a week 1 matchup against the leagues 10th ranked team according to the Commish’s preseason poll. The Commish commented with, “Pepper… I just don’t see the talent….”.
Johnny’s Key Returners: R. Olson, J Roinila, A. Sauve Pepper Key Returners: None
BWW vs. iSight
BWW’s Butters ready to board the RMS Titanic for another hockey season. A team that has shown promise on the roster card year in and year out but then seems to have the ship sink come playoff time. Until now? After Johnny’s blew up their roster, a few have trickled to BWW. The Aarvig twins look to add instant fire power as well as Seng who’s looking to add penalty minutes to BWW’s previously low season totals. Unfortunately there is no scouting report for iSight this week cause I only recognize 3 players from last season. Revamp mode. BWW based on lack of information.